I want to write for Grey’s. Sure, I know you must get applications from people all the time. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get inside Meredith’s head and make decisions for her? Who wouldn’t want to write Derek’s character and make him choose Meredith from the start? Who wouldn’t want to help straighten out the interns’ love lives and bring the loveable Denny back to life?
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So why, you might be asking, should you pick me? Why should you choose me? Why should you love me? Well, it’s not just because I badly paraphrase your main characters’ memorable words in application letters. It’s because I have a real passion for your show. I am nearly obsessed with the characters who live in your head. And I have a wealth of my own bizarre dating and relating experiences that I could bring to bear upon Mere, Izzie, George, Cristina, Alex, Derek, and the whole staff at Seattle Grace. (After all, I figure I might as well make all my romantic failures count for something.)
Before Grey’s Anatomy debuted, I didn’t realize that being cheated on, having complex family issues, and marinating in my own insecurity would qualify me for a job. I didn’t guess that getting into almost unbelievable romantic entanglements would make me the perfect writer for your show. But here’s the thing. They do. Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s how to make a mess of my life. And then laugh at it. I’d like to do the same for the gang at Seattle Grace. I think that’s largely what Grey’s Anatomy is all about: Life falls apart, but your characters still manage to find humor in the everyday and solace in each other. So without further ado, in lieu of a résumé, I will tell you why I, a novelist who won’t answer the phone or have any human contact whatsoever whenever a Grey’s episode is airing on ABC, would be the perfect addition to your writing staff.